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[Jayson Gaddis]: That's the million dollar question. Otherwise, you're going to attract an insecure or whatever kind of woman where you're at. That's fine but your issues are going to attract the woman that's at the same developmental stage you're at. A lot of the guys who've come onto this podcast, they're actually doing very well. A lot of them talk about that low point where everything started to get better after that. That's a really exciting moment, when I guy finally realizes wow, I have a lot of baggage that actually keeps me from attracting the kind of woman I want in my life.
Just a little bit of background on where you came from and how you got into the whole helping men with relationship type issues. An affair is when I break my agreement and our agreement. For that to happen, you have to have a very good definition of what you see as cheating. We really have something special going on here that I didn't have in my other relationship. He or she cheated on me anyway, so I'm just getting back at them. It could've been anything like he didn't give me a hundred bucks when I asked him. Something you feel that wasn't right in the relationship or you deserved. Maybe that person's actually better suited for polyamory. She'd been married for a few years and they had kids. If you grew up with parents who had an affair on either end, someone cheated on someone, or grandparents. There's cheating, leaking energy or something going on.Typical nice guys, guys that are doormats and punching bags let women walk on them and even take advantage of them. Then you can take it as an opportunity to grow, to fix this thing, to make the rest of your life in this relationship or your next one. [Angel Donovan]: It's going to affect you for a long time unless you wake up to it. Can they always control the situation if they got their own shit together? No matter what I do, no matter how good I am, this girl's going to have an affair. There's no way we can actually pinpoint and say that's happening because of this.The growth move for this guy is to change that pattern in himself not to change the girl. [Jayson Gaddis]: Otherwise, I'll stay a victim, a nice guy and I'll stay in blame and everything. You attract a certain kind of women that likes that kind of guy. [Jayson Gaddis]: It's not super black and white like either of those examples. [Jayson Gaddis]: If you want to avoid something in your life, that the quickest way, to basically attract it into your life. Then you're basically calling in some woman to have weird energy with you and other guys. But plan on all of it getting dismantled if you stick with this person. If you're not growth oriented, and you are just hedonistic and want to feel good, you're going to be in a lot of pain and you're going to want out of that relationship. Did you have relationships before this or is this kind of a long relationship. [Angel Donovan]: Well, lucky you're married now, so it's all over. Because I made an agreement that said I wouldn't do that. That other relationship is over and they don't care about me anyway. Something in the relationship and they use that as a justification. [Jayson Gaddis]: I think that does happen but I would question are they really happy. Affairs typically are handed down through the generations. The smart savvy people catch on to this and they usually can prevent the affair. Actually I haven't met anyone, Angle, who had an affair who's parents didn't also have some kind of affair. Dating before marriage and the kind of fiasco that was. [Angel Donovan]: Different pain points for different people. [Jayson Gaddis]: We got married in 2007, so seven years this year. Often I think married people haven't gone as deep because maybe it's not as complex. It's not necessarily even something that you've communicated with your partner about. If I made that agreement, then my integrity is to stick with that agreement. If I violate that agreement by acting out or leaking energy this way or sleeping with someone else, then I'm out of my own personal integrity. Not necessarily someone having cheated, but it could've been anything. If the person's really conscious, they can put the breaks on that behavior, talk to their partner openly about it, and they can have a really cool growth experience together through that close call, if you want to call it that.I found the interview very thought provoking and I hope you do to. "I'm not doing anything." That's the reaction I would expect from most people. If she does that and gets too completely defensive, but I'm picking up on there's really something going on there, I have to be honest.
[Angel Donovan]: I understand you go out into the wilderness with guys and you do some kind of ritual rite to lead them. I haven't done that in a while, in a few years but I will get back into that. [Jayson Gaddis]: But once I had family, it's like I'm not leaving for a week anymore. I might check in with my friends and say, "Do you notice what she's like around him? We all have to stay in our sexiness by working on ourselves. For the guy who's in this situation, where his girlfriend isn't owning up to it, and he's got some ideas.There's a cosmic brilliance to that I don't quite understand. It's pretty widely accepted as a theory and most psychology circles around couples that you attract basically your Dad or your Mom and you have to work it out. I saw it in myself several times over the years where I was dating the same types of women. Then they get to this point where they say why are all women like this? A lot of the guys who listen to the podcast have some kind of aspiration of where they want their dating and relationships to be.But they feel like it's way too far out there beyond them. Like you're saying they haven't done work on themselves to understand they can just grow into this. But I actually want to see if I can have a relationship longer than six months but I was never able to. [Angel Donovan]: So how long have you been married? I know some people have very clear communication, particularly people in polygamy or some of those more complicated relationship styles. You're saying is it on a communication level, or is there an internal level? Let's say I have an agreement to be in a committed relationship with a girl. It's our deal that we're not going to date other people. I'm making the agreement for two people, me and the other person. The last one you mentioned where basically they're pissed off about something. To start off with, I just want to let the audience know what an affair is. [Angel Donovan]: This is more about yourself versus the actual agreement you have with someone?What would you say to guys who feel in that situation?